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Let Us Separate Gently…
Written by Holly M. Hohlbein Friday, 11 March 2011 18:16
“Let
there be no quarrel between us for we were once family; let us
separate gently; if one goes north, may the other go south; if one goes
east, may the other go west. May your house be your house, and may my
house be my house, and may strife and contentions not rule our hearts."
One of the reasons marital separation is so difficult is because the conflict is between people who once loved each other enough to make a family and a life together. When that love ends for one or both, the potential is high for things to go south (not in a good way). One thing you can do to counteract that is to stay as much as possible with your own intention to “separate gently.” By “separating gently” I do not mean giving in to others’ demands, or agreeing to things that don’t take care of your priorities. It is not “gentle” to make agreements that will cause you to be resentful and angry for years to come! What I mean is that although you will each be living separate lives, strife and contention are optional. If you are clear about your own goals and willing to make space for your spouse to “go a different direction” without unnecessary strife and contention, you’ll save money and emotional wear and tear on everyone, especially your children if you have any. In the process, you’ll honor yourself and your spouse. That’s what “separating gently” looks like to me. What does it look like to you? Now go towards that.
