Holly M. Hohlbein, Collaborative Family Law

Web Log (Blog)

Maggie Wyer, Paralegal, Holly M Hohlbein, Counselor at Law, Collaborative February 8, 2007 from Maggie
Artistry
You are an artist.
"An artist is merely someone with good listening skills who accesses the creative energy of the Universe to bring forth something on the material plane that wasn't here before.
Each time you experience the new, you become receptive to inspiration. Each time you try something different, you let the Universe know you are listening. Trust your instincts. Believe your yearnings are blessings. Respect your creative urges."
Each and every time you listen to your heart and soul, you access your creative energy to bring forth a shift in your vision. Sometimes for the good, and sometimes the bad, but only because of the fear of the unknown.
"Trust your instincts." You are on the right path---it is not supposed to be easy and each one of us is different.

Holly M Hohlbein, Counselor at Law, Collaborative November 10, 2006 from Holly
Finding Passion after Pain
A wise person I know said "after the pain comes the passion." It is a paradox that traumatically painful life events can be followed by periods of indescribable joy and opportunity. True, we do have to go through the pain first! But on the other side, we have a chance to realize our true passions as we "come alive." Even in the deepest darkest hour, our greatest passions lie just around the corner.

October 7, 2006 from Holly
Team Work
The work of a collaborative team is hard! Couples choosing the collaborative process will discover many rewards, albeit with corresponding responsibilities. In collaborative process, you have to "show up!" Giving thought to high end goals; striving to communicate in effective ways; completing homework items; and believing that all things are possible: All will help move you more successfully toward deep resolution. But, you are not alone! Your collaborative team is behind you: Guiding; informing; supporting; strategizing; listening; questioning; caring. It's all in the teamwork...

September 18, 2006 from Holly
Challenging the 'Zone
How do you respond to opportunities or invitations to move beyond your comfort zone? It can be hard to embrace new ways. Our comfort zones are, well, comfortable. That's where our safety and security come from: the known; the familiar; the predictable. But our safety zone is also a launch pad for the Unknown. Terra Firma if we need to hurry back from having gone too far. The really great part is, once we move beyond our comfort zone our comfort zone expands and grows with us! How cool is that? It is as simple as choosing to doing something awkward, scary, or unfamiliar. Uncharted places in our life-maps are waiting. Put on your explorer hat and I'll see you out there…

August 3 2006 from Maggie
From Courage to Change
"Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you." Aldous Huxley
Many times the negative aspects of our past seem to dominate the present and we dwell on the past, rather than learn from the experience. The past offers many gifts, for instance, making a different, wiser choice when the same experience arises. It has been said "Take a look at the past, but don’t stare."
Focusing so much on the past means we miss out on the wonderful, sometimes life changing, experiences of the present.

July 19, 2006 by Maggie
Life is Full of Wonders!
Just when your life settles into a routine, not many surprises are forthcoming. You have your routine around work, family, friends. Then the most wonderful thing happens, a new life appears. My husband and I are experiencing our first grandchild, a baby girl named Abigail. We are fortunate enough to be daycare for Abby on Mondays. Oh, my gosh! Our routine is shot to hell in a hand basket, but, oh, my gosh, the wonder of seeing things for the first time through Abigail's eyes, pictures on the wall, flowers, colors, music (Abigail loves Lyle Lovett), trees, a ride in the car.
Just when you least expect it, life is full of wonders!

June 12, 2006, from Holly
Opening
How does it feel when your heart opens up? There's that lump in your throat, and the weak knees. The stomach flip-flops and catching your breath as the emotion makes you gasp. The uncontrollable welling up of tears - tears of joy and gratefulness. The sense of connectedness to all humanity that ever was or ever will be. Open and overflowing. Helpless beyond all reason, yet powerful beyond measure. That's how it feels to me. How do we get our hearts to open wide? Be still. Slow down. Look for tiny bits of gratitude, and love. When you get a glimpse, stay with it. Grow it, expand it, nourish it. You, too, can savor the sweetness and belong to it.

May 19, 2006, from Holly
Finding the Whole (Hole?)
Have you ever noticed how slowly a really bad situation can creep up on you? You think everything is fine. But little by little, bit by bit you're SINKING. Suddenly you're eye-level with the dirt wondering where the soaring heights you used to see from have gone. You never even recognize what hit you; it happened in slow motion. And when you are finally back out in the light you almost can't believe the fragmented parts you thought were a whole. The next time I find myself ""down in the hole" I will look UP: to see the hands of family and friends outstretched to help me back into the light. And, I will look BACK: to find the wisdom and gifts to take away with me from the experience.

May 17, 2006, from Holly
How good does life get?
Calls from beloved family members. A handmade "penny purse." Champagne on the patio, in the sunshine with the Sunday NY Times spread out around me. A sumptuous brunch that I didn't have to cook or clean up from. An actual thank you, from a teenager, for "13 years of happiness." Kayaking through Mercer Slough, out-paddling my children, younger and stronger than me (OK, so they gave me a head start), not to mention the duck families and blue herons. Home-grilled hot dogs and hamburgers, eaten amidst the laughter of kids outdoing each other on the trampoline. Giftcards of books and coffee. The blessings of being loved and appreciated. How was your Mother's Day?

May 6, 2006, from Maggie
It's All About Me
"We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us---how we can take it, what we do with it---and that is what really counts in the end." Joseph Fort Newman---from Courage to Change

I am not responsible for what other people say or do. I am only responsible for my reaction to it. I am responsible for me.

March 9, 2006, from Maggie
Freedom
"Today I will remember that uncertainty is not a fault but an opportunity. Everything I do and everything that crosses my path---people, situations, ideas---all have the potential to contribute to my growth and understanding." From Courage to Change

On a daily basis, I need to remember that I can learn from uncertainty. I don't always have to have the answer. Freeing, isn't it?

February 16, 2006, from Holly
Sweet Spot
If someone were to ask me what it is that I do, I would say "I help people through unfamiliar territory." I would tell them that we find our way together across darkened plains lit only by dim fires from other travelers, or the moon. We try to find the light or even the next fork in the road. "Occasionally," I would say, "we find a place on the map that we recognize." Once, the light flicked on, revealing a perfect bull's eye: 3 sharp-tipped darts thrown by feel, without sight or bearings, impossibly landing on the sweet spot. I would tell them about that.

December 6, 2006 from Holly
Gifts
In this season of giving and receiving I wish you: a fiery sunrise against a winter sky; thought-provoking conversations with intelligent people; the unbearable sweetness of children's voices singing; clean water and enough food; helpless laughter; the opportunity to beat your teenager at something they are better at than you; fresh horses; a glass of wine or a cup of tea next to a crackling fire; companions for the journey...

November 7, 2005, from Holly
Happy Ending
My middle child went missing yesterday. Fortunately it has a happy ending: she and her friends had taken a "shortcut" which led them to an unfamiliar part of the neighborhood. Darkness fell and they became disoriented. They eventually found their way back, but not before triggering panic among several sets of parents, all of us deeply regretting the freedom we had allowed the girls. It is tempting to think that we can spare our kids suffering and danger if only we form a shield between them and life events that can hurt them. The truth is, we can't. There will always be such things in their lives, and ours too. Instead, we can focus on the teaching potential ("what did you learn about taking shortcuts/going so far at dusk/not taking a cell phone?"). We can also reinforce what went right ("you stayed together/didn't panic/asked directions"). Finally, the aftermath when the crisis has passed can bring waves of indescribable joy as we count our precious blessings. I'd like to tell you that that is how I responded when my kid went missing. Would you believe me?

November 3, 2005, from Maggie
Completing the Circle
It's what we do! We assist parents in wending their way through a most difficult period in their lives. By their example, parents show their children that there is a different way to resolve disputes. Isn't that what we do for our children, teach in a positive manner? We teach, then we become students. The circle is completed.

October 19, 2005, from Holly
Never cut what can be untied ~ Chinese proverb
Cutting or untying? What are the values of each? When a family separates, we are faced with a complex web of connections that must be disentangled. How best to approach it? Cutting the strands is decisive and finishes the matter once and for all. But, we are left with lots of little pieces that may not be very useful. And, the cutting may leave us feeling shorted (pardon the pun!). Untying takes patience and commitment. But the long, intact strands at the end may be worth it. Are you a cutter or an untier? Which do you wish to be?

October 14, 2005, from Holly
Sometimes you SHOULD judge a book by its cover: Recently, a client complimented me on my appearance. I thanked him, but I was a little taken aback. I said to him "lawyers want to know that their clients think they are smart, not attractive." He laughed and said, "you're smart, too." It got me to thinking. As my family law practice has matured over the past 16 years, I have slowly been losing my "lawyer" outfits: all those navy, black and gray skirt or pants suits with white or cream blouses; low-heeled, boring shoes; matronly jewelry. Those outfits are a uniform, like doctors or police officers wear. They say "I am smart and strong and I will protect you." There is some comfort in that. But those outfits can also communicate arrogance: "I am smarter and stronger than you." I know that when I go to the doctor, I feel more comfortable when they are dressed in street clothes like I might wear, than when they are wearing the scary white coats. In the same way, I find that I listen better and my clients relax more when I am not staring them down with my power suit. When we don't have the super hero outfit to rely on, we have to communicate our strength, skill, and confidence to our clients in other, more substantive ways. The next time I saw John, he said, "you look smart today." OK, maybe I coached him a little...

October 6, 2005, from Maggie
When one door closes, another opens: Dissolution can be one of the most painful, stressful times in a person's life. There is fear of change and the uncertainty of what the future may hold. Nature holds an important lesson for us in times like these; there is renewal after the storm.

We are here to help you and guide you during your dissolution. While I cannot tell you exactly what your future holds, experience has taught me that there will come a day when your current strife takes its place as a memory, and new opportunities arise in your life.

When people ask me why I do what I do, this is what I point to. I help people weather the storm, so that they may find the renewal they deserve.

October 6, 2005 from Holly
The Power of Cookies: No, I am not referring to computer "cookies." I am talking about honest-to-goodness, gooey, yummy, warm-from-the-oven cookies. Cookies are powerful magic. Not only are they comfort food, but they evoke our childhoods when a cookie could wipe away the worst disaster. I have seen warring spouses suspend the battle to offer each other a favorite cookie. I have seen anxious people smile and relax as they chewed a wholesome, crunchy treat. I have been there when people who rode the roller coaster to the end celebrated with pride and relief by "toasting" with a cookie. Every year on their birthdays, I get up early and make my children homemade cookies, the only day of the year they can eat as many cookies as they want for breakfast. Comfort, happiness, security, love: the simple cookie is chock-full. Wow, I am getting really hungry, for COOKIES!!!!!.

September 25, 2005 from Holly:
Don't Bite
"Love your enemies is way too hard, she told me. We need a game everyone can win. Like what? I said. How about 'don't bite'?, she said & then she shrugged. I think it's best to start small." -Brian Andreas

I love this sentiment. We can't always rise fully to our highest selves and "love our enemies." But even on those bad days we can usually muster enough height to "not bite." Note to self: This week, try not to bite anyone; if possible, even for a minute or two, try to love at least one unlovable person.

September 23, 2005 from Holly:
First Step
Law is a healing profession. At least it can be. Abraham Lincoln, one of our country's most noble lawyers, made it his mission to help his family, friends, neighbors, and countrymen heal their wounds and find peace. Finding peace often means growth, pain, and destruction of the old ways to make way for the new. Part of helping others heal is being present for their pain. Practicing collaborative law allows us as lawyers to fully realize ourselves as members of a healing profession. As we transform our practice to a more healing approach, there will be days of wonder and doubt. Welcome to the journey of thousand miles, beginning with this first, single step. May we all have many companions with whom to share our journeys.

Telephone:	(425) 576-4194
FAX:	(425) 484-4119
Electronic mail:	hollyh@hhattorney.com
Address:	5400 Carillon Point (5000 Building, Fourth Floor) Kirkland, WA 98033 (Directions)